if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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