So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
