My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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