I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
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