So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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