My room smells like vodka and shame
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
