What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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