hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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