I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I will pee on everything he values.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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