sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
