Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
