I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
