i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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