the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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