you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
