remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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