It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
