I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
two words: eviction party
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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