She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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