I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Randomize
