Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
