4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
