I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
