Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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