Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
