I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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