I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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