Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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