and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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