the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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