roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
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At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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