the condom got lost in my hair
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
