if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
