At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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