I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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