you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
