the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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