Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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