Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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