the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize