I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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