Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
