Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
