he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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