This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
