Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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