Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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