And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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