Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
