I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize