Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize