Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
