my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?