fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.