I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal