just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
