I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and she was petting her beer can
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.