Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
