wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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