I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
