I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
