Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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